


I'm up in the woods

by Sayingyournames



Category: Supernatural, SupernaturalRPF
Genre: J2, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-03
Updated: 2009-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 07:47:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18339269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sayingyournames/pseuds/Sayingyournames
Summary: This is an old fic and no longer represents me as a writer. I still think this story is sort of cute, though.Awkward stage encounters and hidden emotions.





	1. Chapter 1

I'm up in the woods  
I'm down on my mind, I'm building a still. To slow down the time.

Jensen felt cornered. He always did nowadays. He had been thrust into something he was not at all prepared for.  
He was being analysed and probed in an unpleasant and rude way. He hadn't asked for anything like this. He had not signed on for six seasons of The Jared & Jensen Show! People had gotten the wrong idea; they'd got it all wrong and backwards.  
Jensen was not the right guy to do this.

"Then I had some wine, or well, we had some wine…"

Jared spoke with a distressingly engaging voice. His eyes glistened more then they should and suddenly, Jensen didn't only feel cornered.  
He felt suffocated.  
It was too vulgar, his life too exposed. Jensen stood next to Jared on the large stage, trying to keep his act up for the hungry onlookers. Plastered smile on his face, but his mind vacant as Jared spoke. Jared fed on the audients reactions, taking in every cheer and every scream, massaging his own ego. The women were hungry, and they all came to these conventions for the same thing – to see Jensen being blatantly hit on by Jared.

There were cameras everywhere, zooming in on each of their faces. Catching Jared's flirty eyes and grin,  
capturing Jensen's awkward smile and sweaty brow, for the entire world to see.  
He had not signed up for this.  
It wasn't fair to demand this of him, wasn't fair to be placed in this box.

The crowd's laughter woke Jensen form his silent brooding as Jared took one, two long steps across the stage towards him.  
It happened so fast that Jensen didn't have time to react, one second Jared was standing on his side, the next he was bending over towards him, hands  
clutching the sleeve of his shirt and wiping the sweat off his face with the soft cotton fabric. Jensen stood still, watching the odd display of affection. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary in Real Life, but here on stage in front of the Hungry Women they might as well have been making out for everyone to see.

The crowd went into frenzy and people threw themselves out of their seats, trying to get a better look at the boys. The room was so engulfed in camera flashes, that Jensen couldn't see his own hand in front of him. This was what was killing him, what was eating away at him at night. People would blow this out of proportion, manipulate the thousands of photos and spread more of the vile lies already floating the internet.  
'Jared and Jensen are in love', 'Jared and Jensen lives together so they can have steamy gay sex every night'.

It didn't matter if the statements were true or false, it just bothered him that everyone twisted a simple handshake into a token of love, a hug couldn't be just 'a hug' between the boys, it had to be something deep and meaningful and sexual.

And Jensen just wasn't gay.

Back in Jared and Jensen's personal dressing room, the mood was low. The air felt sort of cramped, and Jensen many times found it hard to breathe in the presence of Jared after the conventions. It was like keeping the charming and cheerful smile Jared always offered the audient was taking its toll on him, making him tense and edgy in the evening. Jared wasn't an unhappy person, he wasn't the silent and brooding kind of guy that Jensen was, but he definitely wasn't as perky as the YouTube videos portrayed him to be.

"Long day..." Was Jared's short statement as he slumped down on the couch in the small lounge. The room was filled with racks of clothing for the boys to pick and choose from before they were to go on stage. They pretty much always stayed with their own regular clothing though. One of the walls was lined with mirrors and the one opposite with colourful paintings and drawings. Jensen silently paced back and forth in front of Jared, giving subtle nods to Jared's words.

He sure was tired, and it really had been a long day.

Finally Jensen plopped down on the beat up couch next to Jared, letting out a deep sigh that he hadn't known he was holding in. They were waiting for their driver to pick them up and take them home, but the car wouldn't be there for another hour or so. Jared placed his hand on Jensen's leg, sensing his exhaustion and stroking soothing circles around his kneecap. 'A friendly gesture' Jensen thought to himself, 'always count on Jared to be there for you'. Jensen looked over at Jared. They were sitting very close but not close enough for it to be awkward or out of order. Jared looked away from his lap and down at Jensen when he felt his eyes on him, and offered a weak smile as he lifted his hand from Jensen knee and placed it softly on the top of his head.  
"You look beat up." Jared said as he lazily started massaging Jensen's scalp. Jensen relaxed his neck and closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly forward as Jared's giant hand caressed his aching head, and down his neck.  
"Yeah well," Jensen began in a slur, "I've had better days."

Jared's hand travelled from Jensen's head down his neck, to slowly start rubbing his shoulders. Jensen let out a deep sigh, and tilted his head forward even further to give Jared more access between him and the couch. Not an unfamiliar scene between the boys, and Jensen was really glad that they were close enough as friends to be able to act like this in private. Jared lifted his hand off of Jensen and moved to the very corner of the couch away from Jensen, he then outstretched his arm towards Jensen and indicated for him to lie down.

"Come on." Were Jared's short words and Jensen slowly lied down on his back, bringing his head to rest on Jared's lap, putting his feet up on the couch. Jared's right hand came to rest softly on Jensen's stomach, as the other one started playing with his short hair. Jensen closed his eyes, relaxing into the loving touch. The room smelled faintly of sugary chocolate and marshmallows, or maybe that was just Jared? Jensen toed off his shoes on the opposite end of the couch, stretching out his legs and feet as he tilted his head towards Jared breathed in the sweet smell of his shirt.

Jared let out a small chuckle as he watched Jensen squirm and cuddle into his lap. His right hand stroking lazy circles on Jensen's chest, while his left one was smoothing Jensen's hair back. Jensen smiled softly and breathing into Jared's shirt, his warm breath tickling Jared's stomach as it seeped through the fabric. He chuckled again, and leaned slowly over Jensen's head, softly letting his lips caress the skin behind Jensen's ear.  
Jensen's eyes flew open at that as his heart either missed or skipped a beat, he couldn't really tell because all he could focus on was Jared's pink sweet lips on his neck. He drew in a shaky breath, shutting his eyes closed as he felt Jared's tongue darting out, briefly licking his skin as if wanting to know what Jensen tastes like.  
Jensen curled his fingers into the fabric of the sofa, his entire body tensing up, feeling Jared's hand on his chest leave trails of fire over his stomach and down to his hipbone when suddenly – his left thigh started vibrating. Or rather, his phone in the pocket of his jeans started ringing. Jensen quickly twisted his way out of Jared's grasp, standing up off of the couch and answering his phone.  
Jared stared blankly into the air, not quite understanding what had just happened.  
Jensen snapped his phone shut and clutched it hard in his sweaty hand.

"That was Steve," Jensen blurted out, not daring to look at Jared. "he's outside of the building now, waiting in the car. We should probably get a move on…"

And just like that, Jensen grabbed his shoes, his bag and his jacket and headed out the door without looking back before Jared had even stood up from the couch.


	2. I'm up in the woods, too

In your eyes, I see things I know I can not touch. I know not to reach for them –  
I let them touch me, and I cherish these moments that we're able to share. However fleeting they may be.

The following days were equally unsettling. Jared was confused as to why Jensen was acting the way he was.  
It wasn't as if they hadn't shared kisses before? They had, plenty of times.  
Like that time when Jensen's grandma had gotten really sick and he couldn't go visit her because they were shooting Supernatural, or that time when Jared had hurt himself during stunts on set? There were plenty of times.  
But now there was tension between them, Jared would drag out on his morning runs so that Jensen would be entirely ready to go when he got home. Jensen would go straight to bed every night they got home, without even saying goodnight.

Things were, indeed tense.

The convention they were at lasted for an entire week, it was day four and Jared was feeling drained.  
He kept his good spirits up and he kept smiling for all the fans, after all – some of them had travelled far just to see him and his peers, so the least he could do was offer them a smile and a good attitude. Jensen kept moping around, like he always did at social events like this. Jared knew that it was hard on him -  
being in the spotlight for so long, but hell it was hard for all of them.

When Jared and Jensen finally got home at the end of day four, they went for the usual routine that resulted in Jared fixing himself a snack and cuddling some with the dogs, while Jensen would quietly excuse himself and exit into his bedroom. Jared was not about to let that happen tonight though and as soon as they got inside of the house-

"I need to talk to you!" Jared had grabbed Jensen quite roughly by the arm, and dragged him all the way from the hallway into the living room.  
Jensen was startled by the sudden act of communication, but apprehensively went along with it.  
"Yes, fine we'll talk, would you just let go of me?" Jensen howled and twisted out of Jared's grip. It wasn't as if it had hurt, but he didn't enjoy being grabbed on to.  
They were standing face to face in the living room, Jensen's breathing a bit ragged from Jared man handling him, but actually communicating.

This was the first time that had happened for two days.

Jared looked down at his shoes. He hadn't planned anything beyond this – he knew he needed to talk to Jensen, but he had no clue what he actually wanted to say and how to go about it.

"Well?" Jensen said impatiently. "It's been a long day so spit it out!"

Jared could tell he was tired, but there was something more then that. Jensen's eyes were flickering and he kept looking towards his bedroom door across the room.

Jared was just so lost. He had missed Jensen terribly the last two days, even if they had been practically glued to the hip during the conventions, things had changed so awfully at home. He wanted things to go back to the way they were, it wasn't easy spending 24 hours of your day with someone who didn't want anything to do with you but you wanted everything to do with.

"Look, whatever it is that I've done to make you all pissed at me, could we just forget about it and try to enjoy the last days of the convention together?"  
Jared tried in a calm voice. He knew it wasn't the smoothest of ways to ask for forgiveness for groping his best friend, but he was trying!

Jensen just stared at him with his big green deer eyes, as if he didn't understand the question. Then he shifted his gaze to the floor, took a deep breath and said, "You haven't done anything," his voice was a bit shaky, and Jared wanted to put his hand on Jensen's shoulder, or just anything to make the tension go away from Jensen's stiff shoulders. But he didn't dare to, in case Jensen were to pull away.

"I'm just freaking out man, that's all. The convention a-and the fans, and all the people!" Jared could hear the panic in Jensen's voice and couldn't stop himself from taking a small, quick step forward draping his arm around Jensen's shoulders, drawing him in to a one sided hug.  
"Dude, its okay… We'll take it easy tomorrow, no big panels and photo shoots. We'll just enjoy it alright?" Jared tried his best to be supportive of  
Jensen's awkwardness around masses of people, but it was really hard for him to understand since he had always been so comfortable around others.

But he would always try his best for Jensen.

"Yeah sure, what ever." Jensen said in a voice, almost forlorn. Jensen sighed and rested his head against Jared's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his torso and snuggling into his chest. Jared felt hopeless, but happy that Jensen at least wasn't running away from him. He buried his face in Jensen's hair, breathing in the sweet aroma of his shampoo and feeling the tickle of his hair against his nose.

Jared knew he had to be careful not to take the situation too far, not let the sweetness of the moment carry him away. Because the fact was that Jensen would never feel for him what he felt for Jensen. He knew that, deep down.

Don't get it backwards, Jared was not gay – it wasn't like that at all. What he and Jensen shared was just… Different, in lack of a better word.  
It might sound cliché, or even like an excuse but it was the barefaced unforgiving truth. He loved Jensen in every sense of the word.

Jensen patted Jared on his back to know that it was okay to let go now, and they parted just enough to look at each other.  
"Dude, we could always put on a movie? Chill out in front of the TV?" Jared offered, hoping beyond reason that Jensen would accept. Jensen's eyes flickered from Jared's face to the sofa and back.

"Yeah sure, why not…" Jensen finally agreed. They smiled briefly at each other as Jared went into the kitchen to get beers while Jensen flopped down on the couch, flipping through the channels. He placed his feet up on the coffee table, the remote control on his lap as he finally settled on Bringing Out The Dead with that Nicholas Cage dude who always looked like he was kind of pursing his lips… Nothing Jensen could relate to as an actor, at all.

Jared returned to the living room only a few minutes later with a few beers in his hands and a bag of popcorn dangling from his mouth, trying to get past Jensen's legs without asking him to move them.

"Dude, cwould you, its like-"Jared grumbled kicking softly at Jensen's legs.

"Could I what?" Jensen asked teasingly, looking up at Jared struggling to talk without dropping the popcorn. Jensen snickered and let Jared pass by lifting his legs up and off the table.

Jared hit the couch with a thump, dropping the popcorns on the table and handing Jensen a beer.  
They both leaned back on the couch, twisting the beers open and taking deep heavy swigs. Jared looked over at Jensen as the crazy ambulance drivers on the TV raced down a road of hookers and was really glad that Jensen didn't notice him looking.  
He was so happy that they were back to normal and that nothing vast had changed between them.

And even if this was all he could ever have with Jensen, even if there was no happily ever after. It was all better then not having Jensen at all.


End file.
